Dear Auto Mechanic,

I find it strange that very many people would hire you to work on the ignition system on their cars. You said this repair is "what we used to call a major tune-up." Like back in the Golden Age of Car Repair? You initially wanted $900 for this. I guess since it's a "major" repair, some might not be surprised by the cost. But since that money could buy a formidable computer, a set of MSR cookware, and a 10-channel mixer, it was an alarming figure to me.

Now, I wasn't sure what was wrong with my car when I brought it to you. It was acting up. So the $100 you charged me to diagnose the problem may have been worth it. I'm sure you used some expensive tools I don't have. Only you guys can cross your arms and shake your heads in that certain way that says, "She's acting up alright." And you did identify the problem. For that, and the tiny cup of coffee-like brown stuff, I was content to pay some money. To have you fix the problem, I was ready to pay you even more.

But when you called to tell me what needed to be replaced and the cost, I began to reconsider. You said it was not the transmission, which I had previously suspected. It was the ignition system. Hmm... that's why having you clean the trans fluid a month ago didn't help. I suppose that's not your fault; you did offer to do your $100 diagnosis at that time too.

I asked you to go through exactly what the ignition job entailed. You listed the three parts you'd change out, the cost of each, and the labor required to swap each one. Replacing coil, wires, and plugs for $900. That seemed high. You see, I've replaced the spark plugs and wires in a car before. It was pretty easy. And the parts didn't cost much.

That's why I felt confident in calling you out on the labor times. "How can it take 1.4 hrs to replace spark plugs and 1.2 hrs for the wires? And why should they be entirely distinct jobs?" The plug wires have to be removed to get the plugs out; I figured you knew. After admitting you weren't "really sure how involved it is," you said, "There's usually not any overlap on these labor quotes, but I'll go ask the tech." When you called back you said, "The tech agreed with me that there's not usually any overlap on the labor quotes. But he did say the quotes were too high. So he knocked down the labor for the wires and the coil by about half." Well, I'm glad you can feel good about your quote assumptions, but I'm even more glad your tech is somewhat honest about them.

So instead of 1.2 hrs for the wires, and 1.1 hrs for the coil, you then allowed it would only take a half an hour for each of those parts. Really? Let's get this straight. Half an hour to pull the plug wires off of the ignition coil (which is in plain sight, right on top of the engine), remove three screws, and affix the new coil. Doubt it. Then 1.4 hrs to pull the other end of the wires from the plugs, unscrew the plugs, and insert the new plugs? Not likely. Finally, an entirely separate, 30-minute job to connect new wires in place of the old wires you only just pulled off? Hard to believe. All for the now-reduced price of $775? Um... let me try my hand at home.

With a trip to the auto-parts store, I acquired each of the requisite parts. I had the coil switched in about 8 minutes. I pulled three of the old wires off the plugs in about 2 minutes; the last one was stuck, so that one took 5 minutes by itself. That comes to 15 minutes for the coil and wires. Then I realized I couldn't access the spark plugs very easily. I stood looking at the engine.

At that point, I considered that maybe the labor quote for the plugs was legit. How could I reach those buggers? So I consulted a team of expert DIYers I've assembled over the years. They are known as the internet. They told me I had only to remove the wiper-fluid reservoir and the intake plenum to gain ample access to the plugs. I returned to the garage, and continued working. Removal of both obstructions was straight forward. I would have preferred not to spill a quart of wiper fluid, but whatever.

All told, I finished the entire job, from hood raised to hood closed, in 1:45 hrs. That includes the following:
- several trips to the basement for miscellaneous tools
- identifying and locating each part in the engine compartment
- pondering again why I haven't purchased a better socket wrench
- internet use
- telling my son not to carry any tools outside to fix his trike
- finding a plastic jug
- pouring wiper fluid into a plastic jug
- staring blankly at the engine
- pouring wiper fluid back into the reservoir

I think, assuming your technicians know exactly what they're doing, you could have done this job in an hour, at most. Oh, and my parts cost? $24 for 4 plugs, $36 for a set of wires, and $170 for the coil. My total cost, after taxes? $264.20.

Your income from the job? $0